To the world, you are one person...but to one person, you are the world!

�What day IS it, anyway?
2004-12-21 at 8:04 p.m.

It's not as bad as I thought it would be, especially because for the small amount of time he is actually here, he's in some sort of drug-induced stupor. I have no idea what he is taking, but his shrink gave him something and it's knocking him on his ass until he gets used to it. Works for me! He says they increased his "Zyban" (Wellbutrin) that he was using for quitting smoking, now it's for 'depression.' Ok, whatever.
Someone sent me a Christmas card... whoever you are, thanks so much! I'm gassing up my van for a trip to mom's tomorrow if the weather isn't too bad, the kids could use a break from this place. Mom has been having a totally hissy fit since he came back home- to be expected- and says she isn't coming for Christmas now. I told her if I ever needed her support, now would be a really good time.
RG&E sent me a pretty yellow bill today. I told Brian he needs to find a way to SHIT the money so they don't shut us off tomorrow. He went to criminal court tonight, which I have NOTHING to do with, thank God. The charges stick. All he would say is that he has to get a lawyer. (Time to call the Bank of Dad!) Sounds like he's in some deep shit & might be spending a little time behind bars. It should be quiet here for a while if that happens!
I know he's depressed, I know he's regretful. This is the shittiest situation he's been in for a long time, but he directly involved myself & my children, so it's still very hard to muster up ANY sympathy for him. That "wifely" concern is just, well, GONE now. Maybe it will come back someday...maybe not. Right now, I feel sorry for him as if he were just someone I knew- I feel sorry because it's the humane thing to feel, not because I feel for him in my heart.
He took out a withdrawl on his retirement account and dumped a huge pile of cash into my checking today to replace the computers he destroyed. My new laptop and PC will arrive sometime in the beginning of January. I got the old PC running, I'm using it right now- but it's crushed so badly that all the USB ports are squished together. Both the cd/rw and the dvd drives are destroyed, I had to pull them out (no easy task since the case was halfway flattened!) just to stop the horrible noises they were making. You should see this poor thing! It doesn't even look like it should run, I'm thankful I had the know-how to gut the destroyed parts and make it work for now! The hard drive is still good, so I ordered my new one with a smaller hard drive to save money and I'll swap them. I used the extra credit from that to upgrade a few other little things. 512 Ram on the new one. :) I will pull out this RAM chip & add it to the new unit also, and possibly use this processor since it's a hair faster. If you haven't already guessed, I'm pretty excited about this. I've figured out what is salvageable on this one and configured the NEW one to accomodate my newly found "extra parts." It will be the fastest machine I've ever owned, once I am finished doctoring it all up.
It occurs to me that I have written more about my new computer than my devastated marriage- but you know what? This is MY diary, and I can do that if I want to. On that note, I will also mention that in September when I bought this computer, I did not see the need to order a floppy drive, since they are about obsolete now and I use my USB flash key. I ordered one on the new one! Just so I can set my network back upa little easier. The laptop and the new PC are WinXP, but my oldie-but-goodie upstairs still runs Win98, so that floppy drive will be handy. (The oldie isn't set up for the network but will be now!) I also have a new 17" monitor coming with this package. It was free with the system. And hell, I deserve it! It's PURRRRRDY!
Maybe I'll pick up a cheapo case and dump the old motherboard into it someday. It would make a nice little updated starter system for my brother, who really needs an upgrade... I'm just not sure how bent up the motherboard is. I know the USB ports are smushed, and it has integrated audio & video...so if those won't unbend, it may as well be scrap. I don't think ANYONE wants my old case!
If you're still awake, wanna hear about my new LAPTOP? HAHAHAHA!! OK, nothing really to tell there. It's identical to my old one, but this time it has the accidental OOPS coverage on it.
I'm planning on taking a shower when Carrie goes to bed. Kelly is already asleep, Brian has rose from his coma and is entertaining Carrie before bed. This is kind of nice...I haven't had many spare moments lately. I'm not getting used to it, though...
Last night he showed up here at about 9pm. No one really knew where he was, I wasn't even sure he was coming here. I went to bed early since I didn't feel good, Kelly slept with me. I woke at about 3am and found him IN MY BED. I was pissed, we agreed he was ON THE COUCH until further notice or FOREVER. Does he seriously think that sneaking into my bed while I am asleep is going to gain him brownie points? Damn, just give me my space already! How am I ever supposed to heal when I am being smothered???

Last Five

Nostalgic Mama - 2005-08-21
Fitting, I suppose- though a bit outdated? - 2005-07-24
Pathetic Wondering - 2005-05-30
Brain-Dead Carnie - 2005-05-22
The Bedbugs Bit Me - 2005-05-16

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