To the world, you are one person...but to one person, you are the world!

�Talking Babies and other such things
2003-12-18 at 11:10 p.m.

Wow, I don't update frequently, but as I sit here thinking about what I am about to write, I actually can't see any point in updating more... NOTHING EVER CHANGES!

Not sure if that's good or bad, I'm sure it's both.

Kelly- OH KELLY! That little girl brings me such joy! She had me in stitches today. We went to a second hand store a few weeks ago, where she fell in love with a dilapidated old baby doll. She told the baby, "Don't worry, baby- I wuv you! I take good cawe of you. You come home wif Kewwy!" So, of course, I bought it for $1.50. On the way home, she was like a new mother- counting fingers and toes, reassuring her new daughter that everything would be wonderful! Upon further inspection, Baby had some "boo-boos," where she apparently used to have a bottle, or a rattle, or some sort of toy that attached right into her hand. Looked like at one time, she was quite the electronic miracle. We covered all the boo-boos with band-aids, and Kelly made her all better.

Today, Kelly decided Baby needed to be naked. Not sure why, but Kelly likes to be naked, so why not? Her arm got stuck in the dress, so she requested my help. Kelly & Baby in my lap, I pulled the lodged arm out, and I hit some sort of button on her back. Suddenly, Baby turned her head right towards Kelly and said, "MAMA!" Holy crap, you'd have thought Kelly had just witnessed a miracle! Her baby CAME TO LIFE! Kelly's eyes were as big as pie plates, her brows shot up, and she jumped back a little. She stared at the baby, then looked at me & said, "Mommy! Baby talked to me! She said MAMA!" I said, "I know, Kelly! Can you believe it? She loves you so much, she came to life to talk to you!!!"

For the rest of the day, all I heard was the talking doll. Even through 5 straight minutes of "Please change my batteries! Please change my batteries! Please change my batteries!" I did not lose my mind, but scavenged all around until I actually FOUND eight (yes, EIGHT) AAA batteries.

Kelly napped with her, played with her all night, and is now sound asleep with her.

Carrie has a little cold. Nothing serious, but she can sneeze up about 5 pounds of snot & blow it everywhere, all at once! I guess it's good that she's not stuffed up...got that vaporizer cranking tonight. No fever, and she's happy. PHEW- not the flu! Thank you, Lord!

Brian is a big old nasty PRICK. We both quit smokng a couple weeks ago and he is NOT handling it well. There is NO talking to him, about anything. I am suddenly wishing he would just dissappear for a while. He has taken to being too lazy to get up and take his insulin before bed unless I wake him 5 times, make him get off the couch, take care of himself and go to bed. I have decided that TWO kids are all I want to take care of, so he will do it himself. I stopped waking him 5 times. He gets ONE reminder. If he chooses to remain on the damn couch, I go to bed. He has been late for work several times this week (no alarm clock on the COUCH!) and woken up with VERY high blood sugar since he can't be bothered to take his insulin. I thought maybe he would learn after a couple times. Guess I was wrong, he really DOEShave rocks in his head!!!

One last bitch for the night. I was reading posts on AOL tonight. I belong to a couple Mommy's groups. ONe lady was talking about how her husband is giving her HALF his Christmas bonus, cash, just to spend on HER. HE made the stipulation that she had to spend it on things that were for her, stuff she would not ordinarily buy for herslef. I thought, how AWESOME! She said he is so happy to have her, she is an awesome mother (She's a stay-at-home-mom) and she never does anything for herself, since they have to stick to a tight budget, and he just wants her to have this. COLOR ME JEALOUS! I actually feel MORE resentment for my own husband after reading this. He has NO appreciation for anything I do, ever. Much less want to THANK me for it in any way! Shit, when we run out of money, he finds little candy-assed ways to actually BLAME me for it. Not for nothing, I haven't had new clothes or a real night out in YEARS. I stopped drinking for him years ago, I don't shop for myself, EVER. Since all I have had for the last several years are MATERNITY CLOTHES and no money, I basically live in my work uniform, pajamas, or HIS old clothes on weekends! I've just SO had it with his selfish attitude. I really have. If he acted like we were in this together, it wouldn't be half as bad. But he blatantly shows me and tells me that he doesn't trust me, and that I am the reason he feels like a failure in his life. So fuck it. I love him, but I don't see our future as very rosey lately. The only happiness I have is from my kids, not him. I try to share it with him, but he's usually lost in his own little world (involving his job, or his big dream of being a rich KING OF THE WORLD someday) and can't be bothered to listen to half of what I say.

I know he thinks of himselfof a loser because of where he is financially. You know, I NEVER once thought of him as a loser because of that. He had other qualities that made me love him. But those qualities have made their way into history somehow, and his OBSESSION with money, budgeting, accusations, mistrust and his ridiculous notions of starting his own business on his father's money have so completely overwhelmed his little mind that there is nothing left for me to love anymore. There is no personality, no depth. Absolutely NO support. Emotionally, he is dead to me. It's really sad, but he has grown to be as empty as his own father...which I never thought would happen!

Last Five

Nostalgic Mama - 2005-08-21
Fitting, I suppose- though a bit outdated? - 2005-07-24
Pathetic Wondering - 2005-05-30
Brain-Dead Carnie - 2005-05-22
The Bedbugs Bit Me - 2005-05-16

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